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Post by ozneil on Nov 22, 2014 18:46:50 GMT -1
Can now be safely deleted!!!
mmm seems to have lost a bit in the translation
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Post by ozneil on Nov 24, 2014 7:22:25 GMT -1
great the original lost a lot in the translation But where did the Irish accent come from ------------ Yahooooo
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Post by Sir Henry Rawlinson on Dec 6, 2014 10:06:20 GMT -1
The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub just outside the Royal Air Force Base. A ragged old retired Artillery RSM was standing near the edge with a fishing rod, his line in the puddle.
A curious young Air Force pilot came over to him and asked what he was doing ...
“Fishing,” the old guy simply said.
'Poor old fool,' the Air Force officer thought; and he invited the old soldier into the pub for a drink.
As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the haughty pilot asked, "And how many have you caught?”
“You're the eighth,” the old Soldier answered ..
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Post by Sir Henry Rawlinson on Dec 10, 2014 5:34:42 GMT -1
Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, half pound butter, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit 4 cups self raising flour.
Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the Vodka is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver Sample the Vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the Vodka. Now sh!t shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the fekin window. Finish of the Vodka and wipe the counter with the fekin cat.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2014 19:41:45 GMT -1
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2014 23:55:43 GMT -1
The best takeaway menu typo ever? Attachments:
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Post by ozneil on Dec 18, 2014 0:21:50 GMT -1
bar bill WA style  |
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Post by Sir Henry Rawlinson on Dec 19, 2014 21:59:34 GMT -1
Old but/// old...
A couple was invited to a swanky costume party . Unfortunately, the wife
came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the
party alone.
He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was
going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his
good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without
pain and, as it was still early enough, decided to go to the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she
would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she
was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband
cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he
could, and copping a little touch here and a little kiss there .
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he
left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new
babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished...
Naturally, (since he was her husband).
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So
off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the
costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he
would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a
time he had.
He said: "Oh, the same old thing . You know I never have a good time
when you're not there."
"Did you dance much?"
"You know, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete,
Bill Browning and some other guys, so we went into the den and played
poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the
guy I loaned my costume to.”
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Post by ozneil on Dec 19, 2014 23:14:21 GMT -1
The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
I sold my hoover it was only gathering dust
What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Post by ozneil on Dec 30, 2014 21:10:16 GMT -1
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Post by Sir Henry Rawlinson on Jan 24, 2015 8:07:35 GMT -1
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Post by ozneil on Jan 24, 2015 19:39:35 GMT -1
bewdymite!!!!  And this mechanically challenged train in Melbourne  |
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Post by ozneil on Jan 24, 2015 19:48:29 GMT -1
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Post by Sir Henry Rawlinson on Jan 31, 2015 5:15:13 GMT -1
" We only have two rules in Tourette's Club"
" Rule 1....No swearing"
" Rule 2....Fucking pissflaps....Oh bollocks"
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Post by ozneil on Feb 14, 2015 0:38:47 GMT -1
great put downs of comedians Cal Wilson — Undercurrents Lawrence Mooney — Surely Not |
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